Funny Court Exchanges-

These are from a book called "Disorder in the courts" and are things actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges took place:

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'where am I, cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and reeboks

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: 38 or 35, I can't remember which
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: 45 years

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he
WITNESS: He's 20 much like your IQ

ATTORNEY: Where you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

ATTORNEY: She had 3 children, right?
WITNESS: Yes
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or female?
WITNESS: Unless the circus was in town, I'm going with male

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.